Too Soon
They leave out shameful causes of deaths from obituaries. Those who knew, already knew Those who didn’t, Let their memories remain untarnished Sometimes there’s a hint from the charity taking contributions in lieu of flowers Not this time It was a children’s charity (he didn’t have kids) I donated and asked my brother “No, he wasn’t involved, I don’t know why they chose it” Should’ve been a basketball organization He lived for the court Played in high school Rooted tirelessly for the Cavaliers Mostly obits resort to euphemism. He passed away suddenly... He died in his home... His unexpected death... No, the obituaries laud hard work the careers of the deceased. They name the grieving family Loved by all. Missed by his many friends. They sing praises for graduations, accomplishments, titles, awards They don’t talk about years of facing down demons, of the one days at a time stacked up so tall, yet alway a little wobbly They don’t talk about bad days, setbacks that turn into bad months, the lies by omission, the itchiness The ability to hold it together until you can’t Coroners reluctant to list Overdose on the death certificates The toxicology is inconclusive Intentional? Accidental? A nefarious third party? Who’s to ever know Many things can cause cardiac arrest Respiratory failure is more rare but happens sometime in people so young People so bright Forensic science proves insufficient Reports cannot untangle the anger Medical records do not curb the ache A waste, A shame, A statistic, That poor family I just talked to him— I saw him a few months ago— He seemed better— You think you know a person That rehab can fix people After twentysome years Watching someone grow up alongside you Then just like that: Gone
Regina this resonates so much. Seven deaths this year of a brother, friends, a 'foster mum', colleagues. Even obituaries written with honesty can be changed by pressure of family who want to keep things simple, or unmentioned. Gravestone memorials that name the deceased only in the way they link to relations/friends, rather than saying who they are, what they did, liked, suffered. How do we know who they are from this? How will future readers or researchers of these words understand who the deceased was? How do we frame our own epitaphs?
This took my breath & then some tears. The spaces in between your words allowed me to fill them with people who have died. Beautiful & thank you so much x